Keeping Your Marriage Strong When Life Gets Tough | Dave & Julie Bulitt | #135
In a world where roughly half of all marriages end in divorce, finding a couple who can provide insights from both sides of the marital equation is rare. Enter David and Julie Bullitt, a power couple whose professional experience spans the full spectrum of relationship outcomes. He's a seasoned divorce lawyer who witnesses relationships at their breaking point, while she's a marriage therapist dedicated to helping couples heal and reconnect. Together, they've maintained a 38-year marriage through challenges that would test even the strongest bonds.
During their enlightening conversation on the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast, the Bullitts shared what they've identified as the real culprit behind most divorces—and it's not what most people assume. While infidelity and financial dishonesty certainly cause their fair share of marital breakdowns, David revealed that the most common reason couples end up in his office is what he calls "malaise creep." This silent relationship killer doesn't arrive with dramatic betrayal or heated arguments. Instead, it's the gradual disconnection that happens when couples become consumed by life's demands—careers, children, activities, and responsibilities—until one day, they look across the table at their spouse and realize they've become strangers.
The Bullitts emphasize that maintaining a strong marriage requires intentionality. Julie shared how they've prioritized regular connection throughout their marriage, from weekly date nights (which don't have to be elaborate or expensive) to daily check-ins. They even conduct monthly "state of the union" meetings where they discuss their goals and aspirations as a couple. David admitted he doesn't always love these formal check-ins, but acknowledges their value: "If we take care of our business and work lives by setting goals, why wouldn't we do the same with what's probably the most important relationship throughout our life?"
One particularly relevant challenge for modern couples is technology intrusion. The Bullitts recommend implementing what they call "NoTek" periods—designated times when phones and computers are completely off-limits, allowing couples to be fully present with each other. This might be as short as 15 minutes or as long as 90 minutes, but the important thing is creating space where external distractions aren't competing for attention. As Julie noted, "That loss of connection is everywhere...within families, within couples." Their suggestion counteracts what Dave Schramm aptly described as unprecedented competition for our attention in today's world.
Perhaps the most refreshing aspect of the Bullitts' perspective is their honesty about their own struggles. They openly discussed periods in their marriage when they questioned whether they would make it, particularly around parenting challenges with one of their daughters and financial difficulties. Julie, the therapist, and David, the divorce lawyer, often held completely different views on how to handle situations—a reminder that professional expertise doesn't make personal application any easier. But through it all, they learned to "lean in" rather than pull away during difficult times, a counterintuitive approach that strengthened their bond.
The Bullitts have distilled their professional insights and personal experiences into two award-winning books: "The Five Core Conversations for Couples" and "Secrets of Strong Couples." Their work highlights the importance of communication around key areas like finances, parenting, intimacy, and relationship foundations. But beyond structured conversations, they emphasize smaller daily choices that build connection—assuming good intentions when conflicts arise, maintaining playfulness, focusing on the future rather than dwelling on past mistakes, and being specific about needs and desires.
As David summarized with characteristic wisdom: "You picked this person for a reason...to be your partner in life. Don't let one little detour keep you off the highway." In a culture often quick to discard relationships when challenges arise, the Bullitts offer a refreshing reminder that with intentionality, communication, and commitment, marriages can not only survive life's inevitable challenges but become stronger through them.